IN TIMES LIKE THESE

I wrote this a while ago (7 years…?); how is it so appropo today?

Sometimes, I need to write a new poem. On days when I’ve cried, contemplated, or just gotten so tired of myself: this is prime time for poetry-writing (albeit, tears on the keyboard; not quite the same effect as tear-streaked ink on parchment!). However, in recent years especially, I’ve remembered a similar, even better poem lies in a blue folder, waiting to be posted.

IN TIMES LIKE THESE

I started missing my dancing days
real bad watching
slick chicks slither and grind
perfect bodies against
bright oiled sun
lathered boys waiting by the phone
lips parted impatient hello
and how about those times
when they all came running? Couldn’t
stop them from striding
up to my back wrap strong arms
around my skin
my long hair pressed tightly to chest
saying oh yes, I’ll be there
see you then for sure
and maybe just maybe
one would be real
stay longer than a day
a week a year
or nine
and I started to cry
remembering
that it all used to be
so easy, so fine

I wanted to scream:
oh, no! oh, no! oh, no no no! I’m not the one

who can make it happen now
I’m on a slow ride
nowhere to go no friend to disgrace
when the man she wanted
ran to my hallowed place

remembering
how I started to dream
of one who could love me
in times like these not so easy
not so fine falling up getting down

in times like these can’t quite seem
to slither or grind
except in the corners of my mind
with a slow come-hither
smile to my Beloved

(c) 2013 Lady Diane Randall

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The Great Gatsby: The Many Ways Spirit Speaks to Me

Dear Friends, Bloggers, Dreamers all…

I am having the most intriguing series of synchronicities – and I love it! I love it when Spirit finds a door that’s wide open in me and pours through me in wave after wave of imagery, messages from disparate places & people, dreams, etc… all to reveal what’s really going on deep within me and perhaps, with others in my life. I have so much to say, I hardly know where to begin. It’s that way with Spirit revelations…whoo! Because I want so much to heal my inner self, and I’m open, open to all that is Good, all that is Real, so that I can be available not only to myself but to those I love, and even, perhaps, to thinking of a future that, unlike Gatsby’s, does not end in Death, but in Rebirth; a new me, and yet the Real Diane. I’m thinking now how interesting my gladness in keeping the nom de plume “Lady Diane.” Nobility in humility, or vice versa, or…?

TWO NIGHTS AGO: Watched The Great Gatsby, 1974. I hate sad endings!

YESTERDAY: Received notice of a post by Cristian Mihai about the version of the film, The Great Gatsby. Cristian Mihai states that he has read the novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald every year since he was 13 I believe … he is only 20 years old, brilliant and entertaining:

YESTERDAY: My Post to Cristian Mihai about The Great Gatsby
(Spoiler Alert! Includes Dramatic Spiritual References to Me!):

I don’t believe in coincidences… everything is connected. So I’m VERY interested to find out why I just watched, for the first time, the older version of The Great Gatsby with Robert Redford – last night! And here just now, after coming down from a depressive outburst of tears and confusion – I went outdoors and spoke to the trees and cried, cried, cried… then I decided I would do other things (spiritually speaking) to understand…this wave of emotions…but FIRST – I decided to check my email to see if anything new came up that would speak to me. And here I find your post, Cristian…about the new (film)… with the absolutely amazing Leonardo DiCaprio. SO, I don’t know what it means but I am over my own tears and will contemplate – and probably post something – about this connection…

LAST NIGHT:
(Soul-Digging Continues As I Lash Myself to the Stake of Healing Fire!)

After my comment to Mr. Mihai, I meditated, then watched another classic movie, “Beware of Pity,” because the title seemed worth researching, given my situation. Another tale of the paradox of privilege, of self-centeredness versus our true nature of compassion, of the dangers of naivete’ leading to betrayal, and alas, too late – death rather than rebirth, regret rather than redemption. 

DREAM ALERT! My Subconscious Invites Itself to the Bonfire!

Last night, I dreamt of my secret love… Robert Redford. Actually, I dreamt of a man I’d worked for many years ago, who had recognized my talents (for writing, especially!) and promoted me to his department. His name is Ron Gable and he looked very much like the Robert Redford of my time and, like Robert, is a good man, a trustworthy man. I dreamt that I was trying to get closer to him and pointed to the television that was playing The Great Gatsby of 1974, and said to him, “You know, when we worked together, you reminded me of him, and you still do.”

GATSBY SPEAKS TO ME! Directly from the “Real” Land of WordPress!

This morning, hung over from my own melodrama, contemplating the dream… I opened my email and there was a “Like” from a blogger known as “Gatsby Luxury.” His site is resplendent with glorious photographs from the new version of the movie. I reposted my note to Cristian Mihai and added:

Well, thank you again, Gatsby… I may not live the lifestyle but I have a great deal of thought on the character of Jay, of Robert Redford, and I definitely want to see the new movie because Leonardo takes a character and makes it come completely alive and real. And maybe that’s the conundrum, here, because I don’t know that Gatsby ever felt completely alive and real, except when he was in his hopeless romantic fantasy world, hoping against hope that Daisy would leave Tom… and save him.

THE CATALYST FOR MY DRAMA: Contained Within a Most Inconspicuous & Non-Fiction Post THAT GATSBY “LIKED!”

The post “Gatsby” liked, written just before this series of events came about,  was my desperate plea about my dog, Sadie, who has become too much burden for me to bear. And my tear-full healing last night, was dramatic; I hugged the trees outside and could not stop! I looked to the skies, looking through the branches of trees as they answered me not. The catalyst for this drama? My dog Sadie, my daughter Rebecca (who is Sadie’s Real Mommy), and the burdens I bear as a MS patient, living in a community that is half-helpful, half-stressful; half-normal and half-crazy.

AND NOW:

THE DRAMATIC REVEAL (Drum Roll, Please!):

And could it be that I am, at this moment, embodying – or begging for release from – the “Gatsby” story that is mine? Here it is: Perhaps I don’t know if I have “ever felt completely alive and real, except when (I) was in (my) hopeless romantic fantasy world, hoping against hope that (Robert Redford, Ron… or anyone close to that ideal)… would save (me).”

THE FLAMES OF HELL LICKING MY HEELS:
If You’ve Read This Far, Gather Up Your Angels – You’r’e Gonna Need Them!

The path to healing everything hidden within is not easy, my friends. It takes courage to release our false hopes, to dig deeply into our souls, to release our fear and self-pity. It takes great courage to speak the truth as we know it once we realize we must speak it, if we are to Live. It is, however, the way – the ONLY way – out of hell and into the Ultimate Reality known as Heaven on Earth. This is true in any religion; the language and verbiage may be different, but all practices and prayers lead to the same perfect place.

Thank you and blessings to all!

Lady Diane Randall

Have I Mentioned I Have MS Yet? A few words (or more…)

Hello, readers! No poem to go with this one today. While browsing (not perusing – I learned that word means to study, to go over all the details of the object being perused – I always thought it meant a little more than skimming, that’s all!). So, while browsing “New Health Paradigms” WP blog by “Robert,” I wrote a reply and thought I’d repost it, and preface that with a few of my thoughts on Multiple Sclerosis and health of all kinds in general.

It may be of interest to some that today, I discontinued my subscriptions to the major online and print publications from MS organizations. Why? They do offer a lot of information, a lot of support, and I do not deny that many people love being part of support groups both online and in person. However, so many times when I read these publications, my fears are triggered as they explain the dis-ease and what “could” happen to me physically. I do keep up with doctors but have no specific need to learn all there is to know about ms. Some people do, and also people donate to these organizations so that amazing research can be done. My own family donated quite a bit when my daughter and I participated in a “MS Walk” fundraising event.

I do not focus on myself as “an MS patient,” although it is because of ms (I prefer the smaller letters) that many of my preconceptions of what my life should be – or may become – changed drastically. It is, I’m sure, the path to true freedom and self-awareness, or my path I should say. When we can accept “what is” (think Byron Katie & Eckhart Tolle’s teachings), many other options open for us. I was so very busy as an adult, sometimes in unhealthy ways, often in what people would see as healthy ways. But busy is busy, pressure and stress build when we don’t slow down and take quiet time every single day. I did meditate before and was heavily involved in spiritual goings-on; but as I mention below, without de-constructing the stress patterns that were deeply embedded in my psyche, I was on the roller coaster ride that leads to hell, over and over again. Highs and lows, like drugs. Addicted to distractions and relationships (oh, those can be completely distracting from knowing oneself!).

So, I am living a much more serene lifestyle, I am doing what I love (writing!), and I am much more open to allowing the messages that come to me to shift my vibration in a much more substantial, long-term way. In this regard, my life is better than it ever was. Not everyone would agree if they saw me! There are many things I can no longer “do,” or do as often or as well, but then again, there are many things I no longer “have to” do! And “taking care of myself” is my number one job.

Will I be healed or cured someday? Perhaps. There are holistic/scientific (these are becoming one, as are spirituality & science) discoveries every day that give us hope that any dis-ease can be eliminated from the beautiful cells of our bodies. In the meantime, learning to know my body, to manage triggers such as stress, using adaptive equipment and letting myself rest physically and mentally, receiving disability income and living in an apartment built for people like me – all of these factors contribute to my well- being, as well as those I mention below.

Thanks for reading (listening! because we do “read aloud” in our heads, don’t we?), and I hope that some others with Multiple Sclerosis, or any other dis-ease, will find some resonance in what I write. I do use some medications to manage my symptoms, and I do eat as my body asks me to… which is quite different from a lot of holistic or allopathic advice I receive. I cannot do raw foods, fasting, vegetarianism, or high-fiber. Perhaps someday I will be able to, but accepting and  loving my body as it is, is much more important to me than trying to push something – even something natural – on myself that I’m not ready for.

Dear Robert, Thank you for liking my post/poem Stars Making Love. If you read my “About Me” you’ll find I have ms which I have called “multiple stress.” I believe that’s where it comes from more than anything; certainly living stress-free is a major factor in NOT progressing (mine is called Primary Progressive MS). But it’s un-doing, de-constructing the stress patterns that are key. I have studied, meditated, and continue to grow and to KNOW that it is possible for me to heal from this and every thought pattern that is not in harmony with the Universe. I have a wonderful spiritual therapist and amazing old-school brilliant doctors (retired volunteers) who help me manage my health but don’t push medications on me. I do take some meds for symptom management; perhaps one day I won’t. No, there are no medicines for PPMS; there are several for the other kinds, but some doctors would be very willing to “try” out some meds on me, research trials and tests which would only worsen my symptoms.
Anyway, thanks to you and the many voices of intelligent, caring beings on this planet who are sharing who they are, to bring harmony to the spiritual/emotional/mental and physical health of all beings.
PS to those who ask about “grounding” – it doesn’t have to be the beach, it can be hugging a tree or walking barefoot on leaves; even applying essential oils to the soles of the feet. Sage-smudging. Focusing on breathing in and out of the crown and root (feet) chakras. Meditating that you are at the beach, etc. Patting a dog or cat for a few deeply-present moments. I’ve had to come up with alternatives! And they work… it’s the intention and vibration that does it. Namaste’

Blessed be to All. Thank you, Universe, for providing me with all that I need to thrive, and to be myself always. Amen, and so It Is!

With great love and appreciation,

Lady Diane Randall